Working On A Dream

I'm sitting in my apartment, in my gym shorts, slippers and my University of Northern Colorado hoodie;  this has become my uniform of sorts - the required dress of the unemployed.  I am trying to convince myself that jeans are a good idea because I need to get laundry taken care of.  

I am listening to the new Bruce Springsteen album during today's job search; hence the title of this blog post.  

Kristi said something to me the other night in passing that has stuck with me these past days.  She said something to the effect of "Just don't settle on something and forget about your dream."  

To answer her question is I don't plan on a settlement.

Questions, and Answers

Kristi had this on her blog, and since job hunting sucks I have decided to fill this out.  Sure it is a little late,but it is fine by me.

MY 2008 AWARDS GO TO:

DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR: Kristi Taylor; I lack any other friends in this city.

LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend): Ross Bishop.  Knowing the kid since 1st grade is hard to beat, and he got married this year, and I was his best man.

FRIEND WHO CAME BACK INTO YOUR LIFE: Still waiting for that one to happen.

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR: Moving to New York City

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR: Still being out of work after two or three internships (so now).

BEST HOLIDAY: Christmas.

YOUR SONG FOR 2008: "The Worst Part" Mansions

MOVIE FOR 2008: Wall-E

WHO WAS YOUR BEST KISS: Kristi, even if I kissed a million girls last year she would have still topped the list.

BIGGEST CRUSH: Naomi Watts.

WHO WAS YOUR VALENTINE: Thankfully Kristi.

WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN: Norman Bates (Psycho)

RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR: The Pizza Shop.  One day I will try the deep-fried slice.

BOOK OF THE YEAR: The Reason for God.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR: To start this crazy post-collegiate life in New York.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR:  Find a job, get a larger (slightly less shoebox) apartment, see more of the city, get a puppy and a ring.

MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK: To stop at another bar on the way home to use the restroom, but in order to use the restroom we had to purchase more drinks, and thus having to use the restroom more. It was a a cycle of evil, and it made leaving to fly home for Christmas the next day all the more interesting.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Office

MOST LOYAL FRIEND OF 2008: Kristi, her loyalty astounds me.

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR: Moving to New York City and in with my girlfriend.

BIGGEST TOOL AWARD:  The guy on the subway who was discussing his new card game.

MOST WORN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING: Shirts that don't fit me anymore.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION: Find a job.  Keep job. Be awesome at job.

MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF 2008: Meeting Matt Pryor, getting an internship at Doghouse Records, Ross' wedding, finally finding our apartment, 4th of July night putting together our IKEA furniture, finally being able to be somewhat less directionally challenged exploring New York with m'lady...and many many more.

2009 will probably be a year to remember.

My Sounds

I have been reading a lot of "Best of 2008" lists at work and I have decided to talk about my favorite albums of 2008.  In no particular order...

Bayside "Shudder"

Copeland "You Are My Sunshine"

Lovedrug "The Sucker Punch Show"

Mansions "Mansions"

These are really the albums that blew me away this year, that actually came out this year.  My favorite among all of these is probably Mansions.  

I really test albums these days for how they sound on the train.  I feel that in general the train really lends itself to a softer sound to accompany the sways and jerks, but certainly there are louder albums that really work well on the train.  My favorite albums to listen to on the train are...

Bright Eyes "Digital Ash In A Digital Urn"

Rocky Votolato "Suicide Medicine"

Johnny Cash "American IV: The Man Comes Around"

The Movielife "Forty Hour Train Back To Penn"

The Get-Up Kids "On A Wire"

I think that walking around the city requires a different sort of sountrack.  I usually need something louder to drown out the cabbies, and street noise.  

Bayside "The Walking Wounded"

Brand New "The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me"

The Honorary Title "Anything Else But The Truth"

Cursive "The Ugly Organ"

Copeland "In Motion"

From here I would like to move on to my hands down top albums of all time.  I certainly don't listen to these all the time, but I can always relate to these albums.

Blink-182 "Enema of the State"

Park "It Won't Snow Where You're Going"

The Get-Up Kids "Something To Write Home About"

Bright Eyes "Lifted, or The Story Is In The Soil So Keep Your Ear To The Ground"

American Football "American Football"

I wouldn't necessarily say that these five bands are my favorite bands of all time, but oftentimes they are, but I cite these for a very specific reason.  Blink got me into everything I listen to and I will always love that band. Park redefined how I felt about music.  The Get-Up Kids provided me with a differnt point of musical view.  Bright Eyes blew my mind, and American Football was a sleeper album that I bought and didn't listen to until two years later, but once I did, and once I got it I never stopped.  

Music is everything to me.  

Working Towards A Day

I have been trying on an adult suit as of late, 

though I still can't seem to shake  

that little boy need to loosen his tie, 

wrinkle his shirt, and

 dirty up his face.

Oddly enough I am actually hoping to avoid having to wear a suit to work, I am also trying to avoid wearing an apron,Teflon covered shirt, and non-slip shoes.  

When I quit my job at Mimi's Cafe in Loveland, Colorado I quit it with the thought in the back of my head that it would be the last serving job I would ever have.  In an effort to not be a complete leech on my family I have found yet another serving job to supplement income during the course of my internship.  Four days a week I make the trek on the J train to a pizza joint at South Street Seaport.  It feels odd to go there.  I don't feel as if I am necessarily a part of a larger group there.  I feel that there is the group of servers who have nicknamed me Harry Potter, and then there is me.  I mean I certainly don't intend on keeping this position for a very long time, but it would nice at the very least to feel included in the group.  I will admit that I don't make a huge effort, and maybe that is based on my fears.  When I moved to New York I moved here in an effort to start a career, and it was under the guise of being afraid that I might become stuck in Colorado.  When I moved to New York I felt fairly confident that I would find a position quite quickly at a company of my choosing.  Certainly this was naive. I told my parents, myself, and my girlfriend that I would find a part-time job, one that I cared little about, to keep myself busy, and keep money flowing in while I found a career.  I meant what I said, as I have certainly shown with my present position, but I never thought I would actually have to commit to the position.  I guess I just assumed I wouldn't have to make that decision.  Rather than an internship (which I am extremely grateful for, and love quite a bit)  I would find myself in a lower-level position within the industry of my choosing attempting to work my way up.  

Alas, this is not how life has panned out.  Maybe God is trying to test my resolve in my life's choices, or maybe there is some concept that is staring me in the face, but I keep ignoring it....I am not sure which of these might be true.  I do know that I have a good feeling about the future. It is just the present that is weighing me down.

My Friend Is Getting Married

Towards the end of October my best friend is getting married. A long time ago, before college, before most of high-school, and certainly before I moved to New York, we made a pact that each would be the others best man. He has kept up his end of the deal, and I am expected to be the best man in his wedding. This is my first time being in a wedding that didn't have me being either the ring bearer, or in the bridal party. Yes, I was in fact my sister's bridesman....you try to make it sound manly and either way there are images of me in a dress conjured up. Anyway, I really thought that the best man planned a party with some booze and some sort of fun activity. I knew there was something about a toast in there, and something about holding onto rings, but honestly not much else.

Through some internet research I realized that there is in fact a lot more to do.  The most important thing on this list was signing my name as witness to the marriage, or at least according to the research I found I was supposed to do this action.  The point is, I have graduated into adult territory, and this small and relatively insignifigant task is what drives that point home.  I am no longer simply signing for a pizza that I ordered from Two Boots, but I am completely and utterly witnessing my best friend cross a major threshold.  It is completely screwing with sense of perception.

My Life As Of Late

When I was a kid I had a book that I got from a book sale at my church. It was a book filled with a picturesque, postcard ideal of New York City. I would sit in my room for hours at a time staring at that book picturing my adult life. I don't remember exactly what my occupation was in those childhood ideals, but I am sure that it wasn't a boring job. I was probably a crime fighter, or the Mayor of the city. I don't know if it was my love of Ninja Turtles or the fact that as a kid growing up in Sachse, Texas I wanted to grow up into something bigger than my little hometown could provide. I don't mean that to sound narcissistic, but I wanted a different life.

I am now a resident of New York City. The East Village. Alphabet City to be more specific. Please don't use the word fancy when referring to my neighborhood. I live in a gloriously small apartment with my girlfriend. I have an internship that pays me in free CD's and I love it. I work for a relatively large independent record label and honestly I cannot imagine a better group of people that care more about the bands that they are working with. Working there feels right in many ways, and has reinvigorated my dying sense that music can serve as savior.

That is my life right now. I still need a job that pays me money, but for now I think this is the right place for me.

I Spy

I have one week left of college. A Chemistry exam, a Psychology exam, a History exam, and a paper for film on how whether Lynch is an a genius or not does not matter; Eraserhead is still incomprehensible and has a lot of flaws that do nothing but detract from the overall "message" of the film. In other words, I am about two shakes away from my college diploma. I am as confused as I have ever been. I used to not think about the future because I never felt like I had one. Now, my future is perfectly real and perfectly unsettling. I know a few things which I have reiterated time and time again. In fact I think there just might be a recently deceased horse in the corner of my room which needs a good beating (thanks for the reference babe and frankly I am pretty sure you are my one and only reader).

Anyway...the point is that I have never felt more scared of the looming future...but the future isn't looming in a negative way, more of an uncertain way. I want everything to go well. I want to get a job I love, marry the girl I love, and have a really happy life. I realize those definitions will warp with time, but I really don't want to compromise. To paraphrase a certain young lady, " I would rather go down in flames attempting something I love than staying safe in a corner-office job I hate..." Essentially I would rather fail at something I love than do a job that is safe. So let's raise our glasses to failure and hope for the best.