It's Not The End, But It Can't Be That Far

Today is April 24th. I graduate in a mere 16 total days. I went around town asking about places to hold my/Kristi's graduation party. A joint party, more me riding on her coat-tails than anything celebratory on my own behalf. It really has not hit home. Sure I sent out announcements, sure I get things in the mail informing me about graduation, but I don't really feel like I have sixteen days left of my college career. I feel like I am getting ready for an awesome summer, but I don't know how it is going to feel to not come back next summer. Greeley has been my much ridiculed home for too long now. I am certainly ready to leave, but I don't know how to go about doing it. I feel like I should have a plan.

When I started college I filled out a four year plan, it was to help guide me through the frustrating process of registering for classes. Where is my year five plan? I got through the last four years, now I don't have anyone telling me what to do, where to go, what to write. I all of the sudden have to implement all of those tools I was supposed to be honing the past four years.

"They're waiting for clouds and storms, for safety." This is a line which seems to ring true to me, it is from the song "Anxious Arms," by The Jealous Sound. I guess I am waiting for something to happen. I realize that I have commented on this previously, but it is an ever-present feeling. I don't want safety though. It would be very easy to simply move to Denver, and rent an apartment downtown. I could work at some job I hate, and make some money; go out on the weekends. Many people would be very happy with this existence, maybe not the job they hate but the other parts.

The problem is that I want better things. I don't care if I am 30,000 dollars in debt, as long as I am happy. Money is not the issue, but doing something I care about is. Maybe that something is writing, but maybe I am not meant to be a writer. The problem is that if I am not supposed to write I don't know what I am supposed to do. I lack any other sort of general skill. I think Kristi might be right, maybe I should take my hand at writing about music. It would combine something I really enjoy doing with something I really know. I don't know how much time I waste scouring blogs and music websites in order to ascertain the silliest of information. Maybe I could pull an Almost Famous sort of thing where I get to tour with a band and write about it. Maybe I should write that Park book that four people would buy. Maybe I should just call Old Chicago and figure out where I am getting drunk graduation night.